Chinese idioms from the Dao De Jing
老死不相往来 (lǎo sǐ bù xiāng wǎng lái)
Word for word from chapter 80
老死不相往来 (lǎo sǐ bù xiāng wǎng lái), “to grow old and die without visiting each other”, comes from chapter 80 of the Dao De Jing, where it pictures content villagers; today it means to have nothing to do with someone.
Character by character
| 老 | lǎo | to age, to wither |
|---|---|---|
| 死 | sǐ | to die |
| 不 | bù | not |
| 相 | xiāng | each other |
| 往 | wǎng | to go, to come |
| 来 | lái | to come |
| 老死不相往来 | To have no contact at all with someone, often after a quarrel, for good. | |
Where it comes from
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民至老死，不相往来。
yet the people grow old and die without ever visiting each other.
How the meaning moved
The six characters end chapter 80: “Neighboring states can see each other, and hear each other's cocks and dogs, yet the people grow old and die without ever visiting each other.” Our text reads 民至老死，不相往来, “the people, until they grow old and die, do not visit each other”; the saying drops 民至, “the people, until”, and the pause.
In the chapter this is a happy picture. It belongs to the “small state with few people” whose people “find their food sweet, their clothes beautiful, their homes peaceful, and delight in their customs.” They do not visit their neighbors because they lack nothing and want nothing from them; nothing hostile is meant.
Today the meaning has turned around. 老死不相往来 is said of people who refuse all contact: relatives who have fallen out, former partners, rival firms, or neighbors who have lived side by side for years without a word. It is a clear case of a line from the Laozi keeping its words and losing its sense.
Using it today
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两兄弟为了房子吵翻了，从此老死不相往来。
liǎng xiōng dì wèi le fáng zi chǎo fān le, cóng cǐ lǎo sǐ bù xiāng wǎng lái.
The two brothers fell out over the house, and they have not spoken to each other since.
-
住在同一栋楼里十几年，邻居之间却几乎老死不相往来。
zhù zài tóng yī dòng lóu lǐ shí jǐ nián, lín jū zhī jiān què jī hū lǎo sǐ bù xiāng wǎng lái.
They have lived in the same building for over ten years, yet the neighbors hardly ever have anything to do with one another.